Well its about time!
Ive been perusing these forums for a while, and really benefiting from them as well- but I kept pushing off registration...Now that Ive taken the jump, I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner! Just reading through the posts and logs here have very much inspired me- especially Bardichev's posts, Hoping's posts, Efshar Letaken's posts, Momo's posts, TrYiNg's posts, and of course the Heiligeh Guard's posts. The chizuk and empathy that is exchanged in this community is extraordinary, and I am very excited to become a part of it.
Just a bit about myself without boring you: I grew up in an "Orthodoxically Challenged" environment...Much pritzus, bad middos, and nothing matters except which college you end up in. Needless to say, it wasn't the most wholesome environment to grow up in. Now of course at 18 coming out of high school I knew everything...I even knew what was important in life: Porsche's and women. I went to Israel for a "party year" before college and, after too much experience, I Baruch Hashem realized what life is about. That was the beginning of my non-superficial
truly frum life. For years I went at it- three sedarim a day, and a lot of mussar in between...but no matter what I did, I could not
entirely uproot my goyish mentality. I knew what I needed to do... but there were a few souvenirs left over from my upbringing (read: downbringing)...I didn't want these souvenirs, but I had them and they followed me wherever I went...memories. Id be ripping through a daf of Gemara, Id get up to go the bathroom, come back and
BAM Id remember things that I never should have seen or done in my past. The worst part was, I couldnt get these things out of my head for a while afterwards. This went on for a while, and eventually manifested itself into a shmiras einayim problem. That shmiras einayim problem led to occasional acting out...I fought and I fought, and the Yetzer Hara usually came out on top. Baruch Hashem, I did find an almost unassailable way to prevent me from acting out (Ill tell you guys about it in a different post), but the Shmiras Einayim issue was still rampant in my life. It was only until later when I read the 'Guard Your Eyes Attitude' that I realized I was fighting the Yetzer Hara with the wrong weaponry, and since changing up my game plan the struggle has become much easier....but its still extremely hard.
And so, with marriage inevitable, Ive decided to follow a piece of advice that I saw on this forum a few weeks ago (forgive me, I forgot who said it)...in my own words: "If you're not gonna commit to putting ALL your Kochos into getting over this lust addiction, you ain't got NO business getting married". Too true.
I WILL get over this lust addiction. I WILL keep my neshama safe. I WILL make my Creator happy. And I WILL be the husband that any Jewish lady deserves.
And with that... I'm Will. Pleased to meet you.
