fresh start

[sturggle]

I was on the list before under a different name and I decided to change it. Previously I was "David". I am nearing the end of my 4th day clean. Today was difficult and challenging. Thanks to your help, I have had a filter (K9) on my computer since Thursday afternoon. That has been helpful. Anyway, happy to be on this journey of sobriety. I'm not so sure how much to disclose about myself and what to write on these forums. I hope to make use of them, though. I have needed, do need and will need help and support.

[Noorah BAmram]

My Dearest Sweetest Yid
Shalom Aliechem; let me be the first to embrace you in the tightest welcoming virtual hug 
I call myself Noorah Bamram and the holy chevra on the forum are all life-preservers to me and will be the same to you - we wont let you leave anymore.

A lot of exciting innovations have taken palace here on GUE - the most important being Guards Handbooks and the phone groups _ I'm sure the Holy Guard will be along shortly to welcome you and  and tell you all about them _ everything he says is right on the mark as you yourself will soon attest.
Today is a Yom Tov for me its the 90th day of my sobriety journey and I'm marking my calender, my dearest Holy struggle-no-more  for day 90 on your sobriety journey, then I Noorah will wish you L"CHAIM
 
With fiery love to a fellow struggler

Noorah Ben Amram

[guardureyes]

Dear Nurah, I think we welcomed him already on this thread.

Anyway David, WELCOME AGAIN!! 

[Noorah BAmram]

Dear Nurah, I think we welcomed him already on this thread.

Anyway David, WELCOME AGAIN!! 

  awright! awright!  for once I thought I beat you  to it!!  besides a changed name brings with it  changed "mazal" so he deserves another Bruchim Habaim

[battleworn]

Hi, Struggle. I hope you'll soon feel ready to change your name to beat (as in beat the addiction/y'h).

Did you read "The Torah Approach"? If not, check it out over here:
http://rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=602.0

[sturggle]

Thank you for your welcomes and rewelcomes. I am falling asleep and mainly I wanted to wish a l'chayim to noorah on his significant accomplishment. M'chayil el chayil achi! Battleworn, you wrote about the Torah approach. I did look at it once you mentioned it and they were also included in the daily chizuk emails. There is so much to go through on this site! With that I am checking in/out with the close of my fifth day clean.

[sturggle]

Did someone ask for name suggestions?

I didn't get a chance to post last night, B"H I am today counting my 7th day clean. Being that it is Shiva Assar B'Tammuz, it is a good time to think over my nisyonos, accomplishments and where I am going from here. I pray that HKB"H will give me the strength to keep moving forward one step/rung (I like the ladder idea) after another, no matter what happens along the way. This is not easy for me. I've been feeling some depression over the last week or so and I am aware that my bad habits stem from underlying issues. I am unsure how to confront these issue and also scared to do so.

I don't remember which handbook I saw this in, or maybe it was both, but one of the pieces of advice was to make recovery the main focus of my life. I am a student in university and have a lot of work and am now in the midst of exams. It is unclear to me how I can make this issue and recovery the focus of my life right now. I'm sure many people on this list have many other obligations and families (which I don't yet have my own of) and still seem to be very active in their recovery. I don't get it, would someone like to enlighten me?

Easy and meaningful fast to all. May we be zoche to true kirvah to HKB"H in our personal and national lives bkarov.

[guardureyes]

"Making recovery the focus of your life" means that it needs to become like "breathing" to you. You breath every second, right? But it doesn't take you away from the rest of your obligations, does it? When we learn how to live with G-d every second in our hearts through the 12-Steps, we are "breathing" recovery while REALLY BEING ABLE TO LIVE for the first time!

P.S. Think also about how much time you spent acting out... Are you willing to allocate at least THAT amount of time to learning "HOW" to recover? If yes, then join one of our 12-Step phone groups. See this page.

[hoping]

I can not give professional advice but in my case the two have not been a conflict. Yes, you have to be willing to spend some time (posting, phone conference or whatever else works) but otherwise it's just a matter of it being something that is on your mind and you have you have to be willing to make serious changes inside of yourself. Living with the new attitudes you develop will become something constant on its own. For the first few weeks it was distracting for me, But inthe long run I continue to see every day more and more how much it's worth it. Behatzlacha and we are all rooting for you!

[sturggle]

guard and hoping, thank you for your responses.

in terms of the phone groups, ive thought about it, but schedule-wise they don't work so well for me. i also think that an slaa group would be most appropriate for me and i almost went to one in yerushalayim. that live group might work best timewise, but im not sure if its a good option as in it is a mixed gender group.

one of the reasons that acting out was a problem was the amount of time it was consuming in my life, so i dont know if that works for me to allocate that amount of time to recovery. it might be what i need, but as i mentioned, i am in uni and currently studying for exams.

hoping, i think this is the second time you're "not giving professional advice" and that's cool, all advice is welcome! in terms of recovery being something on my mind, that is the difficult part. as you mentioned yourself, the first few weeks were distracting. that's where im at now, but i want to be studying for exams and do well on them!

im not trying to get out of any of this. i want to work on myself and that's why i am here and why i am posting. i'm just trying to figure out how to work through everything.

as i will be soon going to sleep, i have just completed one week of cleanliness! (with HKB"H's help, of course!) it has been challenging, but it's almost like recreation. i def feel like ive stepped out of the rut i was in. I hope to soon enough be blowing trumpets for a yovel of 50 days, 7 x 7...

kol tuv

[sturggle]

Shavua tov! I had a great shabbos, B"H!

I am off to study and I wanted to say that I am starting this week counting my 10th day, bezras HaShem yisborach! I feel pretty good, which is a change from how I've been feeling overall lately.

[battleworn]

 CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

[guardureyes]

Hi Struggle, I updated your chart. Keep up the good work!

[sturggle]

good morning and thank you for your encouragement. i am starting my 11th day and im feeling down. i think that i posted some questions and/or points earlier on this thread that were not really responded to. i am eager to hear the words of advice from others on this list. i look forward to the time when i will be able to give others advice. maybe i even can now, but time is a constraint for me at the moment.

struggle

everyday is a challenge and i hope and plan to keep on putting one foot forward (it's not easy!, sometimes i just want to curl up in bed and stay there for hours..., or forever, and sometimes i want to do even worse!)

[hoping]

You sy that you are worried about commiting time to recovery. So don't 'commit' time Take it one day at a time. Work on getting better today if you have the time and don't worry about tomorrow's follow-up.
Behatzlacha