Momo working the GYE Handbook tools

[Momo]

Hi all!

OK Reb Guard, I'm ready to start working through the GYE handbook.

I'm not so sure how to do this, especially since I've never attended a 12-step program. Everyone is invited to help me do this correctly and effectively. Here goes:

Tool #1: Attitude and Perspective
We can Sign up and receive the daily Chizuk e-mails. VERY IMPORTANT. - Done!
• We can read through the archives of previous Chizuk e-mails sent out - Done!
• We can read through the incredible chizuk that is posted on the forum every day! - Done!
• We can read through the “Mind Tips” and the “Attitude” section of our new blog-site. - Not yet done.
• We can read through the tips of fellow strugglers on our website. - Done!

Is that it for Tool#1? Does this mean tomorrow I can move on to write about Tool #2?

[guardureyes]

momo, I love you.

The most important thing to know about tool #1 is that it is NEVER - Done!

The right attitude must accompany you from day #1 of your journey, and on for the rest of your life!

Just some questions. Did you read the "Attitude handbook"? That is the most important part of tool #1.

We can read through the archives of previous Chizuk e-mails sent out - Done!

Wow! All 499? 

We can read through the “Mind Tips” and the “Attitude” section of our new blog-site. - Not yet done.

Well there isn't that much there yet. We hope to launch the site this week, and then there will start to be a lot more, Iy"h.

Does this mean tomorrow I can move on to write about Tool #2?

Yes. As long as you keep in mind what I said above, that tool #1 is that is NEVER - Done! 

[aaron4]

I love this thread.  If kept going, it will be a great reference for all of us to ensure that we too are using the tools, one at a time.

Keep it up Momo, we'll help you!

[Momo]

I LOL-ed when I read your post.  

Guard, I love you too, especially for all the time you've invested in me and for not giving up on me.

No, I didn't read all 499 chizuk emails, but I've read them almost daily since I've joined a few months ago.

I read the Attitude handbook, but obviously, I have to keep going over it. I probably should set up some sort of Seder when I take at least a few minutes a day to read through the handbook.

[London]

The most important thing to know about tool #1 is that is NEVER - Done!

I know a Yid in SA recovery with many years continuos sobriety, he has told me many times that he does Daf Yomi on the SA white book and the AA Big Book, and never misses a day, and I now thank you R' Guard for reminding me of this, every time I read and re-read the recovery literature it takes on a new meaning depending on what is going on in my life if I am struggling there will be a piece of chizuk for me and if I am in a good place there will be something to read to help me progress in my ruchniyos.  Also addictions (as has been said on this forum) are forgetting diseases, I need to constantly read that there is nothing out there but misery, hell and suffering, I also need to constantly remind myself the tools of recovery so that they become second nature and when I struggle I will not become overwhelmes.

Thank you for reminding me of a major tool of recovery to read and read.

London

[Momo]

Today's report:

Tool #1:

I, blee neder, take upon myself every work day to read the daily chizuk email and spent a few minutes reading the GYE Attitude handbook. I did this today.
When I'm bored at work, instead of surfing looking for photos of women, I'll try to read the Attitude handbook instead. I'm not sure if it's as stimulating, but we'll see what happens.

Moving to Tool #2:

-Internet Filters - A couple of months ago I installed the K9 filter and Ad-Block. While I learned how to bypass it to sites I am aware of with inappropriate photos of women, I will try not to go there. As the handbook says, the filter is a reminder, not foolproof. At least the filter blocks out the ability for me to view p**n videos.

-Guarding our eyes outside: I'm trying not to look at women when I'm outside. Mostly succeeding, sometimes slipping.

-Guarding our eyes offline: I stopped watching TV and movies a while ago. I sometimes see movie trailers on the internet. I have to work on not viewing them as well.

- While working on reading sections of the handbooks each day, avoiding surfing for photos of women on the net, and working on guarding my eyes on the street better is enough for me to work on for now, since I'm writing about tool #2 I want to quote the last part written in Tool #2 in the handbook:

"Letting Go of Lust: The world is full of temptations. If we want to hold on to lust, we will have endless opportunities to continue lusting at every turn. We will be fighting a losing battle by trying not to look at things we want so badly the whole time. Instead, the real trick is to learn how to let go of the lusting all together. Instead of fighting it head-on, we need to simply let go of it.
As someone who is working the 12-Steps once wrote: Today, the fight is much easier for me. When I have urges, I admit powerlessness, acknowledge that Hashem is the only One that can - and will - help me, and I ask Hashem to remove the lust from me. I am frankly surprised by how much better this works than fighting the urges head on."

This is a major point I have to work on, the letting go of my lust. I'm still not sure how this works.

[battleworn]

Momo, this is great! If you keep this going, not only will you help yourself immensely, but you'll also be helping the Tzibur in a tremendous way! Zikui Harabim is the greatest thing.
It says in many seforim that the greatest Tikun is to help others in the area that you fell ! HATZLOCHOH RABOH and CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!

[hoping]

MOMO-
I have gotten so much Chizzuk from your recent post! You have shown us how to continue this battle and push through the program regardless of whether we feel like doing it. Please continue posting every step of your journey. Much Hatzlacha!

[Momo]

Thank you everyone who has written that I inspire you. THAT gives me a lot of chizuk to carry on.

I see that Reb Guard moved my little blog to it's own topic page! While this puts some pressure on me, I really feel very honored to have the zchus of starting a new tool in this forum to help us win the battle.

I encourage everyone here to create your own blog page describing how you're going through the tools outlined in the handbooks, what helps you use the tools, and what has been challenging.

[guardureyes]

instead of surfing looking for photos of women, I'll try to read the Attitude handbook instead. I'm not sure if it's as stimulating, but we'll see what happens.

It depends how you define stimulating.... The pics are more stimulating to the growth of your disease, that's for sure. But the handbook is stimulating to your recovery! So take your pick  

I learned how to bypass it to sites I am aware of with inappropriate photos of women

Not good. Although, yes, the filter is our "Heker" not foolproof, it still has to be a GOOD Heker. Having a way around the filter with just a few clicks of the mouse is not good enough if we want to really start to heal. We highly suggest either upgrading to a BETTER filter, or getting accountability software. That can help A LOT. See this page for some great ideas... One guy on this forum set up x3watch.com and is using ME as his accountability sponsor. He had only one slip in the last few months - and BOY was he ashamed. I saw every site he went to! This is really helpful and helps us internalize the concept of "Aiyin Royeh" - that Hashem is always watching. Since Hashem is "abstract" and it's hard to feel "fear of heaven" when under the spell of addiction, a real live person makes it all the more "real" to our minds of flesh and blood.

I'm trying not to look at women when I'm outside. Mostly succeeding.... I stopped watching TV and movies a while ago.

Amazing! You are bashing the Sitra achra. Slam BAM. Pretty soon he'll be down for the count.

This is a major point I have to work on, the letting go of my lust. I'm still not sure how this works.

Ah, that's the big question   ... It all starts with the WILL to let go of lust, after recognizing it as a poison that is destroying our lives... Please see the SA pamphlet called "Why stop lusting?" over here.

Momo, this is fantastic. You are the first one to be working through the handbooks so systematically. And so, I will make you a deal. If you finish working through the tools with us here, I hereby declare that this board of the forum will forever be remembered as "Momo's Board".

May Hashem take you from strength to strength!

[Momo]

Reb Guard, thanks for your advice. This is exactly what I'm looking for! You promised if I do this you'll walk me through each step, and so far you're delivering! I wouldn't be able to do this without your advice and the chizuk from the others reading and posting.

Now, my response to your post:

Regarding x3watch, to be totally honest, I don't know if I'm ready for that. That's a BIG step, having you see every site I go to. I'll seriously think this over.

I'll read the SA pamphlet you linked me to, besimcha.

If I manage to go through all of the tools it will be enough for us to drink a leChaim together.

[hoping]

MOMO I wish that I had half of your strength. Watching you push yourself step by step is an inspiration. Maybe one day I will have the willpower to join your board on this journey.

[guardureyes]

One more thing, Momo, that I forgot to mention. Tool #2, like tool #1, is on-going for the duration of your journey. It also is never "DONE!".

So, as you progress through the coming tools in the handbook, day by day, you will always need to go back and ask yourself again, how am I doing on tool #1 and #2? (No, this is not the case with the rest of them, don't worry ).

Keep inspiring us. If you succeed, you will not only fix yourself, you will inspire SO MANY MORE people, to join you!

[Momo]

Thank you "hoping" for your kind words.

Today's report:

Tool #1:
I read today's chizuk email and more from the GYE Attitude Handbook (specifically, tool #7). I also read the Why Stop Lusting brochure from SA that Reb Guard posted yesterday. These 2 go together really well and spoke to me.

Tool #7 says "So let’s be honest with ourselves. If we find that we don’t want to let go fully of the lust, let’s ask ourselves “why not?”. Do we really need the lust? What is it
doing for us?... Lust is poison! If we keep feeding it, it will ultimately destroy our lives."

The Why Stop Lusting brochure says "From the earliest days of our disease, we thought lust was our friend. We used it for many reasons: entertainment, as a refuge from pain, or to escape dealing with problems. Somewhere along the way we realized Why Stop Lusting? that lust had become a bigger problem than the problems we were trying to avoid. The medicine became our poison. Our “solution” became the problem. We were out of control.

That's the thought I want to focus on today. Sometimes I have to remind myself why do I need to remove lust totally, why can't I just lust a little and keep it under control. The answer is that for us lust addicts, once we start to lust, it quickly gets out of control. On the other hand, we mustn't forget that one reason why we started lusting in the first place was to escape, or comfort ourselves, against pain, or problems, or feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

OK, here's the big question for Reb Guard and the guys reading this: If I get rid of the lust that I'm using as an escape for my feelings of loneliness and emptiness, and a temporary method for me to feel loved (even though of course I know it's just fantasy) what will fill the void? What will comfort me from feeling empty and alone and make me feel loved, probably the most important human need? My guess would be the closeness to HaShem that I will hopefully feel. Any other answers out there?

Tool #2:
Guarding my eyes: Still working on guarding my eyes when I'm on the computer and when I'm outside. As Reb Guard says, that is a never-ending tool.
Yesterday I read more from the GYE Handbook instead of searching for photos of women on the net. Hurray! I hope to continue doing this. The Handbook is written really well, and it's quite a read.  

[Momo]

Reb Guard,
A technical question about the handbook. Aren't the tools in progressive order, meaning if the first 2 aren't enough you then need to work on the next tool? In theory, if the first 2 tools are enough, there shouldn't be a need to advance to the next tool (making fences), right? It seems that way to me, since the tools get more and more serious, like therapy, rehab, and last resort. I can't imagine everybody needing to work through all of these.