Dear Jew, Welcome home.
This website and forum are a "Teivah" (ark) in the Mabul of internet "Taivah". On this site and forum you will find people going through exactly the same thing as you, making great progress and giving each other support. Just recently, "Jack" – who just answered you above, hit his first 90 days of sobriety. Jack was heavily addicted for 38 years and didn't have one clean day in as long. He struggled with a difficult childhood, and a host of other issues, such as low-self esteem, anxiety and depression. If jack can do it, we all can. Read Jack's inspiring time-line
over here.
The reason your whole Yiddishkeit feels threatened is because Shmiras Habris is known in the Zohar as "Yesod". It is the foundation, the part that is underground, that no one sees. It is the real YOU. And if the foundation is weak, indeed the whole building is weak. That is why it is so important that you get control on this before the cracks in the foundation cause the building itself to start to crumble.
You are dealing with a strong sexual addiction, and as such, it needs to be dealt with in the right way. There are tried and proven methods for dealing with this addiction. The home-page of our website has a whole list of the tools on our network. Grab a hold of them and don't let go. Here are my initial suggestions.
1) A strong filter is a must. Having it all within hands reach will make it almost impossible to start healing. See
here for all the options and info.
2) I added you to the daily Chizuk e-mail list. You will learn approaches and tips every day.
3) Join Elya's FREE weekly phone groups on Sunday 3/4 PM. (Ask me for the number and PIN). It's fully anonymous, no one knows you are even listening in (although we encourage everyone to talk. It helps the healing process). You need group support, you need to hear others who are going through the same thing, even worse off than you - and yet making wonderful progress.
4) Make a log of your struggle in our Forum, in the "
Wall of Honor" section. Aim for 90 days and post each day or two how you feel. You will get tons of Chizuk from what you will quickly come to consider your "spiritual family". Since you are already 3 days clean, i can put you up on our chart. You have passed Level 1. The chart is
here and the rules are
here. Send me your info as detailed in the rules.
5) Read the
stories of recovery on our site. You are not alone. People much worse off than you have done great feats of Teshuvah. Just a few days ago, someone posted his story of recovery on our forum.
See here. This guy is not married and had no religious upbringing. If he can do it, you can too!
6) See a sex-addiction therapist. There are religious ones, but it doesn't have to be. See
this pagefor a list. If you can't afford it, join the Tuesday night conference call for only $10 a session, with a frum sex-addiction therapist on the line. See
here for more info.
7) Join a 12-Step group in your area. Work the 12 Steps. See
here. Recently someone posted on the forum (a chassidish guy BTW): He writes:
Nothing helped me until I was told that I am a "Sex-Addict" and that my only option is to work the 12 steps. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can keep me sober, but Hashem is working with me thru the power of the program. Listen my friend, if you are a addict like myself then be aware that it only gets worse, this addiction really kills. It kills us spiritually, mentally, and physically. If you are an addict, the only option is to work the twelve steps of recovery.We are here for you dear Jew. Grab on to this website and forum, and don't let go. It's not just your life in this world which is falling apart, it's your ETERNITY we are talking about here. Post on the forum when you feel weak, you will get a lot of answers and chizuk! Don't get down about the past. Hashem gave you this struggle and waited so many years, only so that in the process of breaking free, you will learn how to give Hashem over your heart. For that, it was all worth it. Through this struggle you will grow tremendously. The fact you have found our site, just as you were making a new push to break free, is a proof that the time is ripe for you to begin the journey.
Zeh Hayom Kivinu Lo. Hashem has been waiting for you, and finally led you here. Grab on, and don't let go, and we won't let go of you.
