shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart

[shemirateinayim]

I am still working on that decision, but remarkable (and unexplainably) i am 99% shomer einayim off of a screen???  Don't ask me how, but 'kachah'.

Oh yeah, and I'm doiung absolutely lousy. Terrible, and still falling and crashing.  if anyone is wondering why I haven't called, it's because it's way to embarrasing to verbally state what I am doing.

Gotta run. If I finish what i'm doing fast enough, I got a chavrusah shaft with R [not sure if the name was real, but I edited it just in case. Ano] shlita. I think we may be learning brachos.

[shemirateinayim]

it's funny how When I'm in a lousy mood, I am so much more open to rpening-up about my past. here is a post I just put up somewhere else on the site:
 

Re: hotel room emergency
« Reply #27 on: February 09, 2010, 01:29:12 PM » Quote Modify Remove 

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Everyone I meet wants to see the amazing parents that raised me. he he he, ummmm, yeh. When they finnaly do, they usualy get a response so obvious, that leaves them wondering how i came to be who I am. "It's ggod to see that something came from all the money I paid his yeshiva"

You idiot, the yeshiva never once credited itself with molding or forming children. They merely teach them how to learn, and in the most part, do not credit themselves with teaching the content learnt, just HOW to learn it. One day I will learn MB myself, one day I will learn a whole mesechta myself. But middos they don't claim to teach, since that takes alot more than a classroom. Altough they do try.

I became who I am from having to deal with abuse, depression, neglect, a shattered social life, and severe depression. I rebuilt myself, with some help from my rebbe/rpsh yeshiva, and used all my handicaps to become my source of stength and power. Every dissadvantage and weakness, every makom of RAH was realy a kisuy for TOV. I found the TOV in most of it, and have yet to finish dealing with my addiction.
quote]

[imtrying25]

Its probaly a way of you letting out some steam!! But its healthy. In  more ways than one!

[shemirateinayim]

Wow that learning is still smothering my YH!!!

I had typed a 'highly innnapropriate' keyword into the search box of my browser window, and insteadI decided to search for 'internet addiction jewish', and I found GYE as #4 on the google list. wow, I may be bored out of my mind, but i'm still clean!!! (for the last 6 hours)

[habaletaher]

6 hours of cheirus, let's see you go for 26!! You totally can do that, I know it, you know it, we all know it! Get it on!

[shemirateinayim]

12 hours so far, and I'll try to make you happy

[silentbattle]

Alright, keep it up - you've already hit the bottom, and you're on your way up.

Sometimes we need to open up verbally to someone - see dov's recent post on my thread, and my response...

[shemirateinayim]

what time did we start this? 6pm last night?   when then it's 24 hours now!!!!!

*Yippeee I feel good* (even mildly childish)

[silentbattle]

Alright! Wish I could share a shot of woodford with you right now!

[shemirateinayim]

I once heard a pasuk, I just can't remeber thecontext. "Vayeist min Hayayin Vayishkar, VAsisgal Betoch Ohalo..."

Oh yeh it's coming back to me now, it was Noach, and he got ........  I'll stick to kedem. (Except on shabbos, see Pri Tzedek in Lech Lecha).


I totaly messed up my track of time, but based on my earliest post, I was clean as of 5pm.   Then I messed up at 5:45 (big time), then I restarted my count  b4 6pm.   Now it's about 29 hours later.  hey cool, immagine how much schar I get for the last 29!  Alot. WHy not try to make it 48?

[silentbattle]

If you need to, live it one hour at a time...you can keep going!

[shemirateinayim]

24+18 hours so far

[imtrying25]

Every second counts. If we would only realize the truth of this our outlook on thngs would be so much different!!! keep it up SE.

[shemirateinayim]

24+24+1 hours

49 hours X 60 minutes = 2940+21 minutes

even if I got nothing to say, I'll let the numbers speak for themselves.   

[silentbattle]

One day at a time...one hour at a time...one minute at a time, if necessary. ASk yourself, can I hold off for this 1/2 hour? Can I push this away, do something else for THIS 1/2 hour?

SE, you can DO this!