Hiya.
Thanx for all your warm comments. I may sound like I've got things together, but I need just as much chizuk as the rest of you. Once we all, TOGETHER by the way, put the Lust stuff behind us, we still got a whole lot of other mountains to climb. Fear, resentment, and loose shoelaces may trip us up, but WE NEED EACHOTHER not to get depressed and down on ourselves.
That's one of the greatest gifts I've gotten from DC and the calls so far, the ability to be less critical of myself, AND of others.
But more about ME later...
I was just speaking to one of my new close friends, a fellow shipmate who said "I'm dying to get to step 5 already". I told him no. He's LIVING to get to step 5! That innocent expression of his undermiines the positive. We have to stop being negative on ourselves.
I mentioned this vort about the Yam Suf: What's the BIG DEAL about Nachshon that he went into the water up to his nostrils and almost drowned? The little Jewish children threw themselves into the sea to avoid being carted back to Rome for tznus; The Crusades; the Inquisition; we Jews have been allowing ourselves to die for Hashem for centuries. It's inherited from Avraham Avinu. What's so special about Nachshon?
The answer is because he didn't walk into the sea to die -
HE WALKED IN TO LIVE!!! To do something for Hashem where I know I'll die for His sake is one thing, (and I hope I could do it, tho' may I never be tested), but to have the emunah to do the impossible for Hashem in order to
LIVE?!! That's what he showed us how to do.
And THAT'S what all of us brave soldiers on the front are doing. We are walking into unkown territory, trusting Hashem to direct our lives, not really knowing where we are heading, all we know is we are UP TO OUR NOSTRILS with no where else to turn. AND WE ARE DOING THIS TO
LIVE!!I don't know why, no one does, but HKB"H made me go thru ALL my experiences, even the ones which brought me into the world of Lust and exposure to p**n, for a purpose, and He knew what he was doing, and the trick is now that I KNOW that, I have to get to a place where my past no longer owns me, but that I own my past. Then I can take the ME, the product of all those chapters, to A NEW BOOK. NOT a sequel, but a NEWQUEL! Stop writing the old book. Leave it in the middle. Put a period at the end of the last scentence, and
ZEH HU!!!I almost broke my keyboard punching THAT in!!
I shoulda been a hacker, I type so hard...
Anyway, I am the product of my past, a full blown Vlassic Kosher Dill, bumps, lumps, and all. And my goal is to nevertheless LOVE myself, LOVE WHO I AM, because there is so much good in that piclkle it's GEVALDIK! I am a son of Hashem, I am a Ben Avraham,Yitzchak & Yaakov! Hashem has made me FRUM (with flaws, OK, but still Frum), and has blessed me with a connection to Him, and filled my life with knowing that there's His Torah to guide me!
And he has graciously given me the ability to help make other people's lives a little better, a little happier (OK, some kids run when I make funny faces, but they're probably repressed toddlers...), a little stronger to face life's challenges. He has given me talents that I can use to serve him by channelling them toward benefitting my fellow Jews and spreading His Torah.
Now, lest y'all think me a Baal Geivah, I wrote those last 2 paragraphs that way you that
EACH OF YOU can read it over
OUT LOUD from YOURSELF!! It applies to EACH of us equally (maybe even the funny faces part...). Not just Uri and "Sadie-Sadie-Married-Lady" Letakein, but EVERYONE OF US WERE GIVEN TALENTS, POWERS AND ABILITIES that make us unique, and with which we will be able to help the whole world. Litterally.
So let's all believe in our own GUTZKEIT (Bards, please correct my spelling over here...). We were placed here for a purpose, and have been formed this way for a purpose, now we have to apply ourselves to FIND IT!!!
And now, I'm gonna go find dinner...
Oh, and this was Day 3.
