Because isn't that why I'm here? And silent battles are always more difficult to fight. There are very few people in the "real world" (you know, the one where people lie, cheat, steal, and are nasty to each other
that I can talk to about this - so this is my chance, I guess.
I'm in my late 20s, single. I learned in Eretz Yisroel for a bunch of years, and had tremendous success, both in learning, in middos, and general personal growth.
When I came back to america, though, things were different. I didn't have the same social framework of the yeshiva that I'd gotten used to. Most of my friends were married, in a different country/state, or both. And the few friends who were still around were crazy busy with their own things. So there I was, lonely, without any support system to speak of, having trouble with dating, and full of the standard drives that guys have. And no real outlet for any of my emotional and physical needs.
Speaking to Uri and reading his posts, yes, I suppose I have a deeper neediness, and to me, "loneliness" includes that - the feeling of not having people to rely on, not feeling wanted, needed, etc.
So I started going to various websites - I started by using them as fuel for fantasies, but eventually ended up meeting women in real life. And while I was honest with them, and made sure they were aware that it could never become something truly serious (how ironic, that my being frum influenced me even while I was doing these terrible aveiros!), I got involved in one unhealthy relationship after another. They provided a fleeting comfort, and even some support, but nothing lasting, and in retrospect, it's no surprise that my dating wasn't very successful (even though I wasn't in any other relationships at the time of dating, I just wasn't in a very healthy place overall).
And then...Hashem helped me. I'm very close with my rebbe, but I could never bring myself to tell him about this, even though I wished he would somehow find out. Well, he did - and I was horrified, but amazingly relieved at the same time. He directed me to a therapist, and the therapist mentioned this website - so here I am.
So, the major issue I'm dealing with is not meeting people in real life - but while I'm at it, my therapist recommended trying for complete abstinence - and I thought, "why not?" After all, if I'm looking to improve myself on a ruchniyos level, then I should try to stop mz"l too, right? And, so far, so good. Clearly, Hashem has been helping me. I've been clean over a month from unhealthy relationships, and something like 11 days on the WOH.
Thank you, everyone, for being part of this group.
